On my wedding day I was 100% sure I wanted to marry Kris. I sat in a chair tucked away in one of the classrooms at my home church, and I waited until they told me it was time to head to the sanctuary. There was no doubt, there was no fear, there was no uncertainty. I always wondered if when I walked down the aisle I would have doubts about the person I would marry, or if I could really commit my life to somebody for...ev...er. There was never a moment when I thought that it was not right to be making a commitment to Kris.
How then, you might ask, did we find ourselves nine months later sitting under a tree on a blanket at a marriage retreat questioning not only if we should have gotten married, but if we should remain married?
There was no infidelity, there was no abuse...it was simply a case of the all too common "we aren't getting along, we grew apart, life is too hard and we would be better off on our own" syndrome that is so common in our world today.
How thankful am I that two years later we are at a place in our marriage where we see more days of triumph and joy than fighting and tears. Not that there aren't fights and struggles, but that God has renewed us and our marriage and I believe blessed us as we continually choose to follow Him despite our feelings or frustrations. We continue to serve God and thus put one another first instead of simply "looking to our own interests" (Phil 2:4), which in the olden days we did quite a bit of.
Somebody made a comment to me today that they felt like Kris and I were the perfect couple, had the perfect marriage. While I thought that was so sweet of them to say, the truth of the matter is that we are not the perfect couple, we do not have the perfect marriage. We have been to the edge and back; we argue, we fight, we have good times and bad times; we have a fierce, deep love for one another, but most importantly, we have a deep and fierce love for God so that no matter what we are feeling or aren't feeling, no matter what the other one does or doesn't do, at the end of the day we still have a reason to be together and fight for our marriage.
I share this with you all, not because I love over-sharing or want to open the deepest parts of my life to just anyone, but because I believe so many people are afraid to speak out about their own marriages and the struggles they face because they look around and feel like everybody else is the "perfect couple." I share this so that you will know my heart on this subject and know that I am not one of those people who have it all together. I too am merely a traveler doing my best to make it to the end, just like you.
And to my fellow travelers, I feel like lately God has been putting the issue of marriage on my heart and I want to travel with you through this. My heart breaks to see what marriage has become in our country. My heart breaks as I look at marriage in the church and see that many of them are no different than marriages of non-believers. My heart breaks as I see church people suffering in their marriages, caged by silence because to open up and talk about problems in a marriage has become taboo. How did that happen anyway? Why do so many people suffer in silence, never telling a soul what they are going through until it is too late?
I've prayed and asked God how I can be involved in coming alongside of those who are struggling in their marriages. How can I connect with those who simply just need to talk about it, who need encouragement. I know many people see me as young and see me as still a newlywed, but the truth is I feel like God has given me wisdom to speak on the topic. At my age and with my trusty three years of marriage under my belt, nobody is going to hire me to speak at a marriage convention or lead a class or write a book and that is okay...I don't need that. I feel like God has been speaking to me lately about how this blog can be place for me to share what His message is and the lessons I have learned along the way. This blog can be a place where people who are struggling and feel like they have no other place to turn can come and connect with me. I promise that I can encourage, pray and love on you.
So marriage Mondays it is. Every Monday I hope to write on the topic of marriage and I hope you will join me as I believe God wants to bring freedom, new life and joy into all our lives and our relationships!
Coming up later this week: Thailand mission trip, the great salad ideas you all gave me and more!
:) Love ya friend
ReplyDeleteLove you! :)
DeleteThis comment only addresses one part of this post. Also, it is not a fully thought out comment, just a remark I about something I have been noticing and haven't really figured out. I apologize if I ramble and seem not very put together.
ReplyDeleteYou pose the question, why are people so caged in their emotions, their marriages? I would add their interpersonal relationships on the whole. I have noticed a trend in those who are younger than I and even some my own age, 38 for reference, where it is considered almost silly to show your emotions. Have "the feels", as it is commonly stated today. I can't think of a current friend in my small circle, that actually shows or even admits true emotion. If it isn't out right considered weak to show or speak of difficult matters, it is regarded as almost silly for feeling them. Myself, being one who cries at the drop of a hat in public and don't even get me started at home, finds this need to marginalize and diminish what most makes us human and relate-able, to be quite alien. Maybe I am the queen of over share and my inability to stuff all down and hide it all away is that which is alien. It seems to me, if we as a society are constantly told we are weak for feeling anything, much less showing it, how in the world can we begin to build trust with another human? Without that, how do we begin to communicate and work out those problems with out the trust that when it get's messy, that other person will not bail on us? This abject refusal to acknowledge our hearts, especially to the one person who was given to us to learn and share and experience the whole of life, from the very deepest inside to eh whole of the outside, is a barrier that if not completely torn down, is impossible to scale.
This moment of stream of consciousness thinking brought to you by...
lol I hope I made a little bit of sense.
Tracey, you definitely made sense! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :) My question is how do we get over that barrier and become people who are willing to open up to others in our marriages, but also as you pointed out (and I totally agree with)most aspects of our lives?
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