How many of us while we were single really worked to improve ourselves? We lost weight, we took a class we always wanted to take, we traveled, we went out with our friends, we read a new book, etc. etc. You? Me?
I feel like there is this idea that when we are single we need to work on ourselves to become the type of person somebody else would want/deserve to marry. And I agree with that. However, it seems that there is this magical thing that happens to couples after the wedding ceremony and it is what I call "false completion." We feel like our journey and wait is finally over and now that we have found "the one" we are wholly and totally complete. I mean how many cards do we see during Valentine's Day that say, "You complete me!" This notion really irritates me for two reasons: 1. It makes it seem like single people are not complete. They can be. 2. Completion does not lie (ever) in the hands of somebody else. Completion can only come from God alone.
Going to just about every Sunday morning service, Wednesday night service, Sunday school, youth group, small group, Christian camp, mission trip under the sun growing up I constantly heard this saying, "There is a God shaped hole in everybody's heart. It is a hole that only God can fill." As cliche as it sounds, I totally agree. As humans we are constantly longing for that something to satisfy us. We judge the people who fill that hole with drugs, sex, alcohol. We tolerate the people who fill that hole with food, inappropriate relationships, sarcasm, anger. Yet, one of the number one ways people try to fill that hole is with their spouse/significant other and it goes completely ignored. In fact, our culture celebrates it.
The problem with this is that (throw back to Christian camp here!) nothing satisfies that deep longing for completion except for the one thing that can make us complete: God. Spouses disappoint, spouses wrong each other, spouses can be forgetful, unforgiving, rude, unkind, inconsiderate, etc. I'm not condoning these actions, but when we enter into marriage or live with the idea in marriage that it is our spouse that makes us complete we have false completion. We become angry when this human that we live with doesn't live up to our expectations. We forget that the human we live with is on a path towards completion as well. Nothing that is incomplete can be a completion for somebody else. That is false.
We cannot complete somebody else and they cannot complete us.
So this marriage Monday, I challenge you not to focus on another person, but to focus on God. Don't assume or act like your journey is over now that you are married. You are not complete and neither is your spouse. Instead, focus on God this week. Look to Him to complete you. Look to Him to fill the needs, desires, pain, struggle you are facing this week. Enjoy your spouse as somebody who is doing life with you and alongside of you. See them in a new light this week and don't put on them the responsibility of making you complete.
Good luck! I'll be praying for you this week and I'll be working right along side you!
