My Ordination Story

If I am completely truthful, my ordination began as an accident 11 years ago. Actually, I should say, it began as an accident for me, but, looking back, I see God moving and working in ways that I was just completely unaware of.

I was 18 years old, a freshman at Spring Arbor University and studying Philosophy and Religion because I wanted to be a missionary. One day I got a phone call from my pastor at my home church. He told me that I had one step left to become a "Local Ministerial Candidate (LMC)." I needed to become a member of the Free Methodist Church (FMC). I didn't know it at the time, but a LMC is the first step/license in the ordination process. The pastor told me that if I became a member of the church I was eligible for a scholarship--a scholarship which paid about a fourth of my tuition. I went home, stood up in front of my church, became a member as fast as possible, then went back to school happy to have my scholarship--and gave little thought to the LMC license I had just received.

Here's the thing about becoming an LMC. I had done none of the work to get that license. A group of students at my church had been picked (based on who the pastor thought might go into ministry one day) to take a class with him to work towards pursuing this license. I was not part of this group of students. I did not take the class. I did not read the books. I had no clue what LMC even meant. The first I knew about it was when it was presented to me as an option to pay for my schooling. However, somehow (I now know it to be God's work) my name ended up on the list with the other students. 

Fast forward three years and I literally had done nothing further with this license or with the ordination process. The only time I thought about it was when I thought about my financial aid and saw that I was still receiving a scholarship because of it. During my senior year in college I began working at a Free Methodist church, and I was told that I might want to consider pursuing the next steps of ordination. There was a class coming up that was not offered as regular course-work, but that I could take on the weekends with other students who were pursuing ordination. I thought about it, then turned it down because I had a date the first weekend it started and I didn't want to miss it. (You can see how important this process was to me at the time.)

Another year went by and I graduated from school and continued working at the church. The class that was offered before was offered again and, for the first time, I thought perhaps since I was actually working in a church maybe I should look into taking this class and perhaps look into the ordination process.  I needed to call the Free Methodist headquarters and talk about where I was in the ordination process - since I did have my LMC. It was possible that after this class I would be eligible to receive my next license as a CMC.

When I called headquarters, I had a very interesting conversation with the ordination people. I had no file. They had zero record of me becoming an LMC, and, apparently, I should have been renewing my LMC license every year. How I had continued to receive that scholarship... to this day I have no idea (God). The office told me it was not a problem, though. They opened a new file for me and, just like that, I was back in the process.

This was truly the first time I began to wonder if God was up to something. I shouldn't have been put on the list in the first place. I shouldn't have received my LMC, thus I shouldn't have been offered the extra class. I shouldn't have ever received the scholarship, and I shouldn't have been able to just have a file - that probably never was. I seriously began to pray and ask God if perhaps he was behind this and leading me into ordained ministry. I recognized that it was something I never pursued, but, since God had led me this far with zero effort on my part, I figured that maybe I should start to make an effort and see what he would do with me.

I became a CMC (the second stage/license) that summer, but never got appointed to a church. The church I was working at had offered me a permanent position, but I turned it down because I felt God's call to seminary in California.

*Side Note* It is important for a CMC to be appointed to a church because they must serve three years before being considered for Elder/ordination.

Since I had started to believe that God was calling me forward in this ordination process, I was certain that I would be able to get a job in a FM church in California, and I even went so far as to meet with the Superintendent (the big boss) of the new conference I would be in. He told me that he would contact the churches in his area and recommend me to them.  I sent my resume to all of them and waited. I heard back from one.

This church was super excited about my resume and was super excited to interview me...until they found out I was a woman. They made no bones about it and told me that they wanted to hire a man and were no longer interested. My heart was broken. I loved the FM church. The FM believes in women in ministry and here I had actually made an effort to pursue this (perhaps) calling and the doors all shut the minute I did. I pursued work in other churches, but those doors all shut as well, and I ended up moving to California with no job and no idea of what I was going to do.

I didn't have a car, so I was dependent upon my bike to get me places. I didn't attend a FM church while in seminary because none were close enough to bike/walk to. I ended up working at a Vitamin Shoppe (which was a huge blessing and a place where I believe God absolutely wanted me) and I got further and further from the Free Methodist church. That first year I got my paper in the mail to renew my CMC license. I really struggled with it. I had tried to take the next steps and it didn't work out... so why bother continuing. Believing that maybe God was doing something I renewed my license and moved on. However, when the next year rolled around and my situation was the exact same and I had gotten even further from the FMC, I threw the paper away and quit the ordination process.

By this point I had met Kris, and we were engaged. He wanted to go into pastoral ministry, and I was hoping to work for a non-profit that would benefit the poor in some capacity. We were graduating from seminary and had no idea what denomination or church he would serve in or where I would work either. I told Kris about how much I loved the Free Methodist church because of their theology and their love for the poor, but that I didn't know if it was possible to go back to them. He was actually there the day I threw away my licensing paper.

We got married and began to look for jobs. Every.Single.Door.Shut. Every one. Except one day I found a job posted... of all places... at a Free Methodist church in New Jersey. They wanted somebody with cross-cultural experience and understanding (which is what my masters degree was in) and I quickly sent them my resume, called headquarters again, asked if I could have my file reinstated (which they did...) and began to pursue this opportunity. However, at this point, we had a new problem. Kris was the one who felt called to pastoral ministry; I had no clue what God wanted me to do. I was merely applying for this position because it was a job. Ultimately, this is why we chose not to take this opportunity.

I wasn't certain God had called me to be a pastor; Kris was certain God had called him to be one. If I took this job I would be a pastor, and he would have to go back to finance, which God had specifically called him away from. I turned the job down and we continued to see doors shut in our face. During this time we applied for tons and tons of jobs in churches. We applied to every denomination that accepted women in ministry, and we heard back from none of them. Every now and then I would check the Free Methodist website to see if they had listed any available jobs.

Finally, one day, a Free Methodist church in Oroville, California posted a job for a discipleship pastor. Literally from the moment we saw this position we felt like God was calling us to it. We both sent in our resumes to the church because we were so tired of not having jobs that we thought perhaps by two of us applying we could knock some other people out of  the running. It worked and the church hired Kris. We packed up our stuff and, that summer (2011), hit the road for California once more.

The closer we got to actually getting to Oroville, the more frustrated I became with my own calling. I felt really irritated about having been in the ordination process (at this point for 8 years) and feeling like nothing had been accomplished out of it. I thought God had led me on that road--I mean I got the first two licenses by barely lifting a finger, but whenever I put forth effort all the doors shut. Now I was simply the pastor's wife (which I never ever wanted to be), and I was unsure of what Oroville held for me.

Two weeks before we got to Oroville I was in a worship service and God clearly spoke to me. He said, "Randi, you are supposed to be a pastor." I was so shocked to hear from him and so shocked that he said what he said that I literally looked straight up at the ceiling and laughed (not good, not good) and said back, "How's that supposed to happen? Kris got the job. They told me there is no position at that church for me at this time. There is no money there to hire me and I am not going to go to a different church than my husband." Understandably, God did not answer me.

I didn't tell anybody about what God had said (not even Kris) until the night before we actually left for Oroville. A family friend came over to pray with us that night, and, as she prayed, she kept saying that we were a pastoral team and that we were both pastors. Kris and I aren't even sure that this woman believes in women in pastoral ministry. During the whole prayer I stared wide-eyed at her and felt like God was using her to confirm what he had told me two weeks earlier. After we got into bed that night, in the dark, I whispered to Kris that I felt like God was calling me to be a pastor, too.I told him about what had happened, but that I didn't know how it could be possible.

(I should pause to say that this was the first time in my life I felt like God actually called me to pastoral ministry. I had been called to a life of ministry previously, but I had never felt the call to actually be a pastor.)

About two weeks after we arrived in Oroville, our Senior Pastor called me into his office. He told me he felt like God had told him I was supposed to be a pastor, and he was wondering if I was willing to come on staff part-time as the youth pastor. I laughed (because once again, God does things how God wants to do things), and I told him God had been telling me the same thing.

Now, three years later, Kris and I have served our time, completed all the classes, passed all the interviews (provided we pass the last one tonight) and have been approved to be ordained.

To be honest, I am kinda shocked that it is actually happening. It has been a long and crazy road, but one that I know wholeheartedly God took me down. I am excited to follow God and take this next step, and I am excited to see what God does with me and Kris. I truly love the Free Methodist Church and I am so glad that God has brought us back to this denomination and to Foothill Community Church.

Thoughts on Pregnancy

I never gave much thought to being pregnant before I actually was pregnant. Like... zero thought. Then I got pregnant and I realized that pregnant people deserve medals and applause and 100 million dollars. Maybe that's extreme. But I really do think I deserve a medal and I really would like Kris to clap for me when I walk through the house.

Being pregnant is hard. Really hard. And I want to slap the people who say they loved being pregnant and how wonderful and beautiful it was. Slap, slap. I also want to slap skinny people and people who have good general health. But that is getting into way too many slaps.

I realized that I probably should document some of my pregnancy grievances, so I came here.

This is not a post where I want or expect anybody to feel sorry for me. I really just want to write the stuff down so I remember it and it is a lot easier for me to type than write. Please do not feel bad for me; in fact, feel free to laugh at my pain. I sure did when I went and looked up horror pregnancy stories online to make myself feel better.

Without further ado:

1. Morning "I hate you and want to punch you in the face" sickness. - I have had this for 28 weeks now and counting. It started at week 6 and I thought I was going to die. Why? Because it lasted all. day. long. It became a game. Where could I throw up that I had not thrown up before? My favorite was throwing up in our front lawn because it was the closest accessible place at the time. I'm sure my neighbors loved that. One time I shouted for Kris to pull the car over and I threw open the door and threw up in a parking lot... he gently reminded me that if I took off my seat belt I could probably throw up better outside of the car. I started considering what foods to eat based on how they would taste later. Uh.... nasty. I have been on medicine the entire pregnancy because of the sickness and it has definitely helped me function. If I don't take the medicine I can't get out of bed or walk across a room without hurling all over the place. Love it.

2. Food aversions. I always only heard about food cravings during pregnancy and I will tell you, I was really looking forward to the day when I could tell Kris at 2 am to go get me a corn dog from Sonic. That was the dream. Nope. I got the food aversions. On top of throwing up constantly, almost any and all food the sight, the smell, literally the thought made me so sick that even if I wasn't nauseous at the time I would begin throwing up. And I'm not talking gross foods here. I'm talking my favorite foods. Nuts, guacamole, all Mexican food (and that is MY FAVORITE). I literally went through a period when I could only eat hot pockets and McDonalds fries. Terrible. Luckily this did subside around month 5/6.

3. Heartburn. I have bad words I want to say about this. However, I'll just say that somebody at church told me that the worse you have it the more hair your kid will have when born. So not true, but I battle this one by picturing my little baby's hair growing when the attacks start. She should look like Rapunzel when she gets here.

4. Small Torso Syndrome. Yup, I made this syndrome up. It is for short people who don't have much room in their torsos. Guess what, your baby doesn't care. Nope. In fact, your baby will grow extra long femurs just to prove that she can and that the size of your torso isn't going to stunt her ability to thrive. Thanks kid. Basically the side effect of this is sharp pain near my ribs pretty much all day long. I literally have a bruise forming on the top of my stomach because of whatever she is doing to my insides. Not. Cool. Also, I can't eat. I have no stomach left. I'll be starving one minute, eat one bite and feel like I am going to throw up because I am so full. Fan.Tas.Tic.

5. Constipation. I will say that I was blessed to have this only one time during the pregnancy. I will not talk about it here. It was the darkest hour(s) of my life (truthfully) and I am surprised that Kris can still look at me let alone love me after the events that occurred on that day. Oh the shame.

6. Not gaining weight. Yes, this sounds like a glorious thing. And truthfully maybe part of it is. I have gained about 2 lbs since the very beg. of my pregnancy and I have 6 weeks left to go. Well guess what. When you don't gain weight (and lose 10+ lbs) they worry about the baby. This scored me and Kris three extra rounds of ultrasound tests to make sure our baby was growing and not regressing. Yay! More tests! (She is fine by the way... and that's how they found out she has the extra long femurs. Seriously, her femurs are three weeks ahead of the rest of her body and our doctor actually was laughing out loud about how funny it was that she is so tall.)

7. Exhaustion. Seriously, I am so tired right now I can't even write about this section. I slept 10+ hours last night and I woke up tired. I wake up and my first thought is, "When can I take a nap?" I'm. So. Tired. 

Okay, those are my grievances for today. I love this baby. I am so excited she is coming soon, but I promise you, I will not miss being pregnant.