You can now read my stuff at:
www.ladyshepherd.com
Hope to see you all over there! :)
Friday, June 27, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
My Ordination Story
If I am completely truthful, my ordination began as an accident 11 years ago. Actually, I should say, it began as an accident for me, but, looking back, I see God moving and working in ways that I was just completely unaware of.
I was 18 years old, a freshman at Spring Arbor University and studying Philosophy and Religion because I wanted to be a missionary. One day I got a phone call from my pastor at my home church. He told me that I had one step left to become a "Local Ministerial Candidate (LMC)." I needed to become a member of the Free Methodist Church (FMC). I didn't know it at the time, but a LMC is the first step/license in the ordination process. The pastor told me that if I became a member of the church I was eligible for a scholarship--a scholarship which paid about a fourth of my tuition. I went home, stood up in front of my church, became a member as fast as possible, then went back to school happy to have my scholarship--and gave little thought to the LMC license I had just received.
Here's the thing about becoming an LMC. I had done none of the work to get that license. A group of students at my church had been picked (based on who the pastor thought might go into ministry one day) to take a class with him to work towards pursuing this license. I was not part of this group of students. I did not take the class. I did not read the books. I had no clue what LMC even meant. The first I knew about it was when it was presented to me as an option to pay for my schooling. However, somehow (I now know it to be God's work) my name ended up on the list with the other students.
Fast forward three years and I literally had done nothing further with this license or with the ordination process. The only time I thought about it was when I thought about my financial aid and saw that I was still receiving a scholarship because of it. During my senior year in college I began working at a Free Methodist church, and I was told that I might want to consider pursuing the next steps of ordination. There was a class coming up that was not offered as regular course-work, but that I could take on the weekends with other students who were pursuing ordination. I thought about it, then turned it down because I had a date the first weekend it started and I didn't want to miss it. (You can see how important this process was to me at the time.)
Another year went by and I graduated from school and continued working at the church. The class that was offered before was offered again and, for the first time, I thought perhaps since I was actually working in a church maybe I should look into taking this class and perhaps look into the ordination process. I needed to call the Free Methodist headquarters and talk about where I was in the ordination process - since I did have my LMC. It was possible that after this class I would be eligible to receive my next license as a CMC.
When I called headquarters, I had a very interesting conversation with the ordination people. I had no file. They had zero record of me becoming an LMC, and, apparently, I should have been renewing my LMC license every year. How I had continued to receive that scholarship... to this day I have no idea (God). The office told me it was not a problem, though. They opened a new file for me and, just like that, I was back in the process.
This was truly the first time I began to wonder if God was up to something. I shouldn't have been put on the list in the first place. I shouldn't have received my LMC, thus I shouldn't have been offered the extra class. I shouldn't have ever received the scholarship, and I shouldn't have been able to just have a file - that probably never was. I seriously began to pray and ask God if perhaps he was behind this and leading me into ordained ministry. I recognized that it was something I never pursued, but, since God had led me this far with zero effort on my part, I figured that maybe I should start to make an effort and see what he would do with me.
I became a CMC (the second stage/license) that summer, but never got appointed to a church. The church I was working at had offered me a permanent position, but I turned it down because I felt God's call to seminary in California.
*Side Note* It is important for a CMC to be appointed to a church because they must serve three years before being considered for Elder/ordination.
Since I had started to believe that God was calling me forward in this ordination process, I was certain that I would be able to get a job in a FM church in California, and I even went so far as to meet with the Superintendent (the big boss) of the new conference I would be in. He told me that he would contact the churches in his area and recommend me to them. I sent my resume to all of them and waited. I heard back from one.
This church was super excited about my resume and was super excited to interview me...until they found out I was a woman. They made no bones about it and told me that they wanted to hire a man and were no longer interested. My heart was broken. I loved the FM church. The FM believes in women in ministry and here I had actually made an effort to pursue this (perhaps) calling and the doors all shut the minute I did. I pursued work in other churches, but those doors all shut as well, and I ended up moving to California with no job and no idea of what I was going to do.
I didn't have a car, so I was dependent upon my bike to get me places. I didn't attend a FM church while in seminary because none were close enough to bike/walk to. I ended up working at a Vitamin Shoppe (which was a huge blessing and a place where I believe God absolutely wanted me) and I got further and further from the Free Methodist church. That first year I got my paper in the mail to renew my CMC license. I really struggled with it. I had tried to take the next steps and it didn't work out... so why bother continuing. Believing that maybe God was doing something I renewed my license and moved on. However, when the next year rolled around and my situation was the exact same and I had gotten even further from the FMC, I threw the paper away and quit the ordination process.
By this point I had met Kris, and we were engaged. He wanted to go into pastoral ministry, and I was hoping to work for a non-profit that would benefit the poor in some capacity. We were graduating from seminary and had no idea what denomination or church he would serve in or where I would work either. I told Kris about how much I loved the Free Methodist church because of their theology and their love for the poor, but that I didn't know if it was possible to go back to them. He was actually there the day I threw away my licensing paper.
We got married and began to look for jobs. Every.Single.Door.Shut. Every one. Except one day I found a job posted... of all places... at a Free Methodist church in New Jersey. They wanted somebody with cross-cultural experience and understanding (which is what my masters degree was in) and I quickly sent them my resume, called headquarters again, asked if I could have my file reinstated (which they did...) and began to pursue this opportunity. However, at this point, we had a new problem. Kris was the one who felt called to pastoral ministry; I had no clue what God wanted me to do. I was merely applying for this position because it was a job. Ultimately, this is why we chose not to take this opportunity.
I wasn't certain God had called me to be a pastor; Kris was certain God had called him to be one. If I took this job I would be a pastor, and he would have to go back to finance, which God had specifically called him away from. I turned the job down and we continued to see doors shut in our face. During this time we applied for tons and tons of jobs in churches. We applied to every denomination that accepted women in ministry, and we heard back from none of them. Every now and then I would check the Free Methodist website to see if they had listed any available jobs.
Finally, one day, a Free Methodist church in Oroville, California posted a job for a discipleship pastor. Literally from the moment we saw this position we felt like God was calling us to it. We both sent in our resumes to the church because we were so tired of not having jobs that we thought perhaps by two of us applying we could knock some other people out of the running. It worked and the church hired Kris. We packed up our stuff and, that summer (2011), hit the road for California once more.
The closer we got to actually getting to Oroville, the more frustrated I became with my own calling. I felt really irritated about having been in the ordination process (at this point for 8 years) and feeling like nothing had been accomplished out of it. I thought God had led me on that road--I mean I got the first two licenses by barely lifting a finger, but whenever I put forth effort all the doors shut. Now I was simply the pastor's wife (which I never ever wanted to be), and I was unsure of what Oroville held for me.
Two weeks before we got to Oroville I was in a worship service and God clearly spoke to me. He said, "Randi, you are supposed to be a pastor." I was so shocked to hear from him and so shocked that he said what he said that I literally looked straight up at the ceiling and laughed (not good, not good) and said back, "How's that supposed to happen? Kris got the job. They told me there is no position at that church for me at this time. There is no money there to hire me and I am not going to go to a different church than my husband." Understandably, God did not answer me.
I didn't tell anybody about what God had said (not even Kris) until the night before we actually left for Oroville. A family friend came over to pray with us that night, and, as she prayed, she kept saying that we were a pastoral team and that we were both pastors. Kris and I aren't even sure that this woman believes in women in pastoral ministry. During the whole prayer I stared wide-eyed at her and felt like God was using her to confirm what he had told me two weeks earlier. After we got into bed that night, in the dark, I whispered to Kris that I felt like God was calling me to be a pastor, too.I told him about what had happened, but that I didn't know how it could be possible.
(I should pause to say that this was the first time in my life I felt like God actually called me to pastoral ministry. I had been called to a life of ministry previously, but I had never felt the call to actually be a pastor.)
About two weeks after we arrived in Oroville, our Senior Pastor called me into his office. He told me he felt like God had told him I was supposed to be a pastor, and he was wondering if I was willing to come on staff part-time as the youth pastor. I laughed (because once again, God does things how God wants to do things), and I told him God had been telling me the same thing.
Now, three years later, Kris and I have served our time, completed all the classes, passed all the interviews (provided we pass the last one tonight) and have been approved to be ordained.
To be honest, I am kinda shocked that it is actually happening. It has been a long and crazy road, but one that I know wholeheartedly God took me down. I am excited to follow God and take this next step, and I am excited to see what God does with me and Kris. I truly love the Free Methodist Church and I am so glad that God has brought us back to this denomination and to Foothill Community Church.
I was 18 years old, a freshman at Spring Arbor University and studying Philosophy and Religion because I wanted to be a missionary. One day I got a phone call from my pastor at my home church. He told me that I had one step left to become a "Local Ministerial Candidate (LMC)." I needed to become a member of the Free Methodist Church (FMC). I didn't know it at the time, but a LMC is the first step/license in the ordination process. The pastor told me that if I became a member of the church I was eligible for a scholarship--a scholarship which paid about a fourth of my tuition. I went home, stood up in front of my church, became a member as fast as possible, then went back to school happy to have my scholarship--and gave little thought to the LMC license I had just received.
Here's the thing about becoming an LMC. I had done none of the work to get that license. A group of students at my church had been picked (based on who the pastor thought might go into ministry one day) to take a class with him to work towards pursuing this license. I was not part of this group of students. I did not take the class. I did not read the books. I had no clue what LMC even meant. The first I knew about it was when it was presented to me as an option to pay for my schooling. However, somehow (I now know it to be God's work) my name ended up on the list with the other students.
Fast forward three years and I literally had done nothing further with this license or with the ordination process. The only time I thought about it was when I thought about my financial aid and saw that I was still receiving a scholarship because of it. During my senior year in college I began working at a Free Methodist church, and I was told that I might want to consider pursuing the next steps of ordination. There was a class coming up that was not offered as regular course-work, but that I could take on the weekends with other students who were pursuing ordination. I thought about it, then turned it down because I had a date the first weekend it started and I didn't want to miss it. (You can see how important this process was to me at the time.)
Another year went by and I graduated from school and continued working at the church. The class that was offered before was offered again and, for the first time, I thought perhaps since I was actually working in a church maybe I should look into taking this class and perhaps look into the ordination process. I needed to call the Free Methodist headquarters and talk about where I was in the ordination process - since I did have my LMC. It was possible that after this class I would be eligible to receive my next license as a CMC.
When I called headquarters, I had a very interesting conversation with the ordination people. I had no file. They had zero record of me becoming an LMC, and, apparently, I should have been renewing my LMC license every year. How I had continued to receive that scholarship... to this day I have no idea (God). The office told me it was not a problem, though. They opened a new file for me and, just like that, I was back in the process.
This was truly the first time I began to wonder if God was up to something. I shouldn't have been put on the list in the first place. I shouldn't have received my LMC, thus I shouldn't have been offered the extra class. I shouldn't have ever received the scholarship, and I shouldn't have been able to just have a file - that probably never was. I seriously began to pray and ask God if perhaps he was behind this and leading me into ordained ministry. I recognized that it was something I never pursued, but, since God had led me this far with zero effort on my part, I figured that maybe I should start to make an effort and see what he would do with me.
I became a CMC (the second stage/license) that summer, but never got appointed to a church. The church I was working at had offered me a permanent position, but I turned it down because I felt God's call to seminary in California.
*Side Note* It is important for a CMC to be appointed to a church because they must serve three years before being considered for Elder/ordination.
Since I had started to believe that God was calling me forward in this ordination process, I was certain that I would be able to get a job in a FM church in California, and I even went so far as to meet with the Superintendent (the big boss) of the new conference I would be in. He told me that he would contact the churches in his area and recommend me to them. I sent my resume to all of them and waited. I heard back from one.
This church was super excited about my resume and was super excited to interview me...until they found out I was a woman. They made no bones about it and told me that they wanted to hire a man and were no longer interested. My heart was broken. I loved the FM church. The FM believes in women in ministry and here I had actually made an effort to pursue this (perhaps) calling and the doors all shut the minute I did. I pursued work in other churches, but those doors all shut as well, and I ended up moving to California with no job and no idea of what I was going to do.
I didn't have a car, so I was dependent upon my bike to get me places. I didn't attend a FM church while in seminary because none were close enough to bike/walk to. I ended up working at a Vitamin Shoppe (which was a huge blessing and a place where I believe God absolutely wanted me) and I got further and further from the Free Methodist church. That first year I got my paper in the mail to renew my CMC license. I really struggled with it. I had tried to take the next steps and it didn't work out... so why bother continuing. Believing that maybe God was doing something I renewed my license and moved on. However, when the next year rolled around and my situation was the exact same and I had gotten even further from the FMC, I threw the paper away and quit the ordination process.
By this point I had met Kris, and we were engaged. He wanted to go into pastoral ministry, and I was hoping to work for a non-profit that would benefit the poor in some capacity. We were graduating from seminary and had no idea what denomination or church he would serve in or where I would work either. I told Kris about how much I loved the Free Methodist church because of their theology and their love for the poor, but that I didn't know if it was possible to go back to them. He was actually there the day I threw away my licensing paper.
We got married and began to look for jobs. Every.Single.Door.Shut. Every one. Except one day I found a job posted... of all places... at a Free Methodist church in New Jersey. They wanted somebody with cross-cultural experience and understanding (which is what my masters degree was in) and I quickly sent them my resume, called headquarters again, asked if I could have my file reinstated (which they did...) and began to pursue this opportunity. However, at this point, we had a new problem. Kris was the one who felt called to pastoral ministry; I had no clue what God wanted me to do. I was merely applying for this position because it was a job. Ultimately, this is why we chose not to take this opportunity.
I wasn't certain God had called me to be a pastor; Kris was certain God had called him to be one. If I took this job I would be a pastor, and he would have to go back to finance, which God had specifically called him away from. I turned the job down and we continued to see doors shut in our face. During this time we applied for tons and tons of jobs in churches. We applied to every denomination that accepted women in ministry, and we heard back from none of them. Every now and then I would check the Free Methodist website to see if they had listed any available jobs.
Finally, one day, a Free Methodist church in Oroville, California posted a job for a discipleship pastor. Literally from the moment we saw this position we felt like God was calling us to it. We both sent in our resumes to the church because we were so tired of not having jobs that we thought perhaps by two of us applying we could knock some other people out of the running. It worked and the church hired Kris. We packed up our stuff and, that summer (2011), hit the road for California once more.
The closer we got to actually getting to Oroville, the more frustrated I became with my own calling. I felt really irritated about having been in the ordination process (at this point for 8 years) and feeling like nothing had been accomplished out of it. I thought God had led me on that road--I mean I got the first two licenses by barely lifting a finger, but whenever I put forth effort all the doors shut. Now I was simply the pastor's wife (which I never ever wanted to be), and I was unsure of what Oroville held for me.
Two weeks before we got to Oroville I was in a worship service and God clearly spoke to me. He said, "Randi, you are supposed to be a pastor." I was so shocked to hear from him and so shocked that he said what he said that I literally looked straight up at the ceiling and laughed (not good, not good) and said back, "How's that supposed to happen? Kris got the job. They told me there is no position at that church for me at this time. There is no money there to hire me and I am not going to go to a different church than my husband." Understandably, God did not answer me.
I didn't tell anybody about what God had said (not even Kris) until the night before we actually left for Oroville. A family friend came over to pray with us that night, and, as she prayed, she kept saying that we were a pastoral team and that we were both pastors. Kris and I aren't even sure that this woman believes in women in pastoral ministry. During the whole prayer I stared wide-eyed at her and felt like God was using her to confirm what he had told me two weeks earlier. After we got into bed that night, in the dark, I whispered to Kris that I felt like God was calling me to be a pastor, too.I told him about what had happened, but that I didn't know how it could be possible.
(I should pause to say that this was the first time in my life I felt like God actually called me to pastoral ministry. I had been called to a life of ministry previously, but I had never felt the call to actually be a pastor.)
About two weeks after we arrived in Oroville, our Senior Pastor called me into his office. He told me he felt like God had told him I was supposed to be a pastor, and he was wondering if I was willing to come on staff part-time as the youth pastor. I laughed (because once again, God does things how God wants to do things), and I told him God had been telling me the same thing.
Now, three years later, Kris and I have served our time, completed all the classes, passed all the interviews (provided we pass the last one tonight) and have been approved to be ordained.
To be honest, I am kinda shocked that it is actually happening. It has been a long and crazy road, but one that I know wholeheartedly God took me down. I am excited to follow God and take this next step, and I am excited to see what God does with me and Kris. I truly love the Free Methodist Church and I am so glad that God has brought us back to this denomination and to Foothill Community Church.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Thoughts on Pregnancy
I never gave much thought to being pregnant before I actually was pregnant. Like... zero thought. Then I got pregnant and I realized that pregnant people deserve medals and applause and 100 million dollars. Maybe that's extreme. But I really do think I deserve a medal and I really would like Kris to clap for me when I walk through the house.
Being pregnant is hard. Really hard. And I want to slap the people who say they loved being pregnant and how wonderful and beautiful it was. Slap, slap. I also want to slap skinny people and people who have good general health. But that is getting into way too many slaps.
I realized that I probably should document some of my pregnancy grievances, so I came here.
This is not a post where I want or expect anybody to feel sorry for me. I really just want to write the stuff down so I remember it and it is a lot easier for me to type than write. Please do not feel bad for me; in fact, feel free to laugh at my pain. I sure did when I went and looked up horror pregnancy stories online to make myself feel better.
Without further ado:
1. Morning "I hate you and want to punch you in the face" sickness. - I have had this for 28 weeks now and counting. It started at week 6 and I thought I was going to die. Why? Because it lasted all. day. long. It became a game. Where could I throw up that I had not thrown up before? My favorite was throwing up in our front lawn because it was the closest accessible place at the time. I'm sure my neighbors loved that. One time I shouted for Kris to pull the car over and I threw open the door and threw up in a parking lot... he gently reminded me that if I took off my seat belt I could probably throw up better outside of the car. I started considering what foods to eat based on how they would taste later. Uh.... nasty. I have been on medicine the entire pregnancy because of the sickness and it has definitely helped me function. If I don't take the medicine I can't get out of bed or walk across a room without hurling all over the place. Love it.
2. Food aversions. I always only heard about food cravings during pregnancy and I will tell you, I was really looking forward to the day when I could tell Kris at 2 am to go get me a corn dog from Sonic. That was the dream. Nope. I got the food aversions. On top of throwing up constantly, almost any and all food the sight, the smell, literally the thought made me so sick that even if I wasn't nauseous at the time I would begin throwing up. And I'm not talking gross foods here. I'm talking my favorite foods. Nuts, guacamole, all Mexican food (and that is MY FAVORITE). I literally went through a period when I could only eat hot pockets and McDonalds fries. Terrible. Luckily this did subside around month 5/6.
3. Heartburn. I have bad words I want to say about this. However, I'll just say that somebody at church told me that the worse you have it the more hair your kid will have when born. So not true, but I battle this one by picturing my little baby's hair growing when the attacks start. She should look like Rapunzel when she gets here.
4. Small Torso Syndrome. Yup, I made this syndrome up. It is for short people who don't have much room in their torsos. Guess what, your baby doesn't care. Nope. In fact, your baby will grow extra long femurs just to prove that she can and that the size of your torso isn't going to stunt her ability to thrive. Thanks kid. Basically the side effect of this is sharp pain near my ribs pretty much all day long. I literally have a bruise forming on the top of my stomach because of whatever she is doing to my insides. Not. Cool. Also, I can't eat. I have no stomach left. I'll be starving one minute, eat one bite and feel like I am going to throw up because I am so full. Fan.Tas.Tic.
5. Constipation. I will say that I was blessed to have this only one time during the pregnancy. I will not talk about it here. It was the darkest hour(s) of my life (truthfully) and I am surprised that Kris can still look at me let alone love me after the events that occurred on that day. Oh the shame.
6. Not gaining weight. Yes, this sounds like a glorious thing. And truthfully maybe part of it is. I have gained about 2 lbs since the very beg. of my pregnancy and I have 6 weeks left to go. Well guess what. When you don't gain weight (and lose 10+ lbs) they worry about the baby. This scored me and Kris three extra rounds of ultrasound tests to make sure our baby was growing and not regressing. Yay! More tests! (She is fine by the way... and that's how they found out she has the extra long femurs. Seriously, her femurs are three weeks ahead of the rest of her body and our doctor actually was laughing out loud about how funny it was that she is so tall.)
7. Exhaustion. Seriously, I am so tired right now I can't even write about this section. I slept 10+ hours last night and I woke up tired. I wake up and my first thought is, "When can I take a nap?" I'm. So. Tired.
Okay, those are my grievances for today. I love this baby. I am so excited she is coming soon, but I promise you, I will not miss being pregnant.
Being pregnant is hard. Really hard. And I want to slap the people who say they loved being pregnant and how wonderful and beautiful it was. Slap, slap. I also want to slap skinny people and people who have good general health. But that is getting into way too many slaps.
I realized that I probably should document some of my pregnancy grievances, so I came here.
This is not a post where I want or expect anybody to feel sorry for me. I really just want to write the stuff down so I remember it and it is a lot easier for me to type than write. Please do not feel bad for me; in fact, feel free to laugh at my pain. I sure did when I went and looked up horror pregnancy stories online to make myself feel better.
Without further ado:
1. Morning "I hate you and want to punch you in the face" sickness. - I have had this for 28 weeks now and counting. It started at week 6 and I thought I was going to die. Why? Because it lasted all. day. long. It became a game. Where could I throw up that I had not thrown up before? My favorite was throwing up in our front lawn because it was the closest accessible place at the time. I'm sure my neighbors loved that. One time I shouted for Kris to pull the car over and I threw open the door and threw up in a parking lot... he gently reminded me that if I took off my seat belt I could probably throw up better outside of the car. I started considering what foods to eat based on how they would taste later. Uh.... nasty. I have been on medicine the entire pregnancy because of the sickness and it has definitely helped me function. If I don't take the medicine I can't get out of bed or walk across a room without hurling all over the place. Love it.
2. Food aversions. I always only heard about food cravings during pregnancy and I will tell you, I was really looking forward to the day when I could tell Kris at 2 am to go get me a corn dog from Sonic. That was the dream. Nope. I got the food aversions. On top of throwing up constantly, almost any and all food the sight, the smell, literally the thought made me so sick that even if I wasn't nauseous at the time I would begin throwing up. And I'm not talking gross foods here. I'm talking my favorite foods. Nuts, guacamole, all Mexican food (and that is MY FAVORITE). I literally went through a period when I could only eat hot pockets and McDonalds fries. Terrible. Luckily this did subside around month 5/6.
3. Heartburn. I have bad words I want to say about this. However, I'll just say that somebody at church told me that the worse you have it the more hair your kid will have when born. So not true, but I battle this one by picturing my little baby's hair growing when the attacks start. She should look like Rapunzel when she gets here.
4. Small Torso Syndrome. Yup, I made this syndrome up. It is for short people who don't have much room in their torsos. Guess what, your baby doesn't care. Nope. In fact, your baby will grow extra long femurs just to prove that she can and that the size of your torso isn't going to stunt her ability to thrive. Thanks kid. Basically the side effect of this is sharp pain near my ribs pretty much all day long. I literally have a bruise forming on the top of my stomach because of whatever she is doing to my insides. Not. Cool. Also, I can't eat. I have no stomach left. I'll be starving one minute, eat one bite and feel like I am going to throw up because I am so full. Fan.Tas.Tic.
5. Constipation. I will say that I was blessed to have this only one time during the pregnancy. I will not talk about it here. It was the darkest hour(s) of my life (truthfully) and I am surprised that Kris can still look at me let alone love me after the events that occurred on that day. Oh the shame.
6. Not gaining weight. Yes, this sounds like a glorious thing. And truthfully maybe part of it is. I have gained about 2 lbs since the very beg. of my pregnancy and I have 6 weeks left to go. Well guess what. When you don't gain weight (and lose 10+ lbs) they worry about the baby. This scored me and Kris three extra rounds of ultrasound tests to make sure our baby was growing and not regressing. Yay! More tests! (She is fine by the way... and that's how they found out she has the extra long femurs. Seriously, her femurs are three weeks ahead of the rest of her body and our doctor actually was laughing out loud about how funny it was that she is so tall.)
7. Exhaustion. Seriously, I am so tired right now I can't even write about this section. I slept 10+ hours last night and I woke up tired. I wake up and my first thought is, "When can I take a nap?" I'm. So. Tired.
Okay, those are my grievances for today. I love this baby. I am so excited she is coming soon, but I promise you, I will not miss being pregnant.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Reflections on my 29th Birthday
I'm the big 29 today. Officially, I am starting the last year of my 20s. Granted, most people think I am only turning 22 or 23...or at least they did until I got pregnant.
Seriously, at youth group when we have a new kid I always introduce myself in the same way. "Hi, I'm Randi, I'm the youth pastor here." They stare at me blankly like they are trying to comprehend how somebody their age got the youth pastor gig. So then I say, "I know I look like a teenager, but I'm not." Every time the student laughs and all the kids talk about how young I look (though they make jokes about how old and out of date I am) and then they guess my age. Well that's how it used to be until I got pregnant. Apparently pregnancy makes me look older. Because two weeks ago when I did my schtick and I compared myself to a teenager the students responded with, "Um... no. You're pregnant." To which I responded by throwing my hands in the air and shouting, "Teen pregnancy, WHOOP WHOOP." To which I received horrified looks and then when I came back to reality and my words traveled from out of my mouth to my brain, I quickly dropped my arms and recanted my statement by saying, "I don't know why I just cheered for that. Not teen pregnancy. Don't get pregnant..."
Anyway, I am so far off topic now. Why was I writing this post?
Oh yeah, my birthday!
Today, I am 29 and I can't complain. I really love most of the things about my life right now. I'm not trying to brag or make everybody else hate their life... really, I promise I'm not. I just woke up this morning and thought, "I really want to write down how I am feeling on my birthday today because life is good right now." Too often I don't stop to enjoy the really good moments. Plus, you may look at my life and think it sucks... so there's always that, too. :)
So I'm going to ask myself some questions and document my answers, so next year when I am 30 I can come back and remember how great 29 was and compare.
What are you enjoying about life right now?
Randoms?
I started the day by having coffee with Julianne which was fabulous and then Kris and I started the day by dropping off our car at the dealership to get a part fixed that had been recalled. After that we made a mad dash to our baby Dr. for our monthly check up. She said our baby has long legs. :) I am so hoping she takes after Kris and gets a little bit of height. We were so excited because we are at the point where we have check-ups every two weeks. This means we are super close to having our girl here with us!
After the doctor, we went to a furniture store to look for a chair for the baby room and then to Target to find some maternity clothes and then we headed over to the mall so I could get my hair done. Kris honestly was so great. He hates shopping and stuff like that, but he spent the whole day with me doing the things I like just because. I seriously love that guy.
After my hair appt. we headed to Chilis for lunch and then back to Target really quick because I hadn't had time to scope out their shoe collection...which was very disappointing. Come on Target! Next we headed to a few more furniture stores and got an idea of what we liked. Then we stopped by Marie Calendars to pick up a lemon cream cheese pie for my b-day celebration.
When we got back to Oroville, we stopped by Big Lots to compare chairs (because we had previously found one there we liked) and we fell in love. We bought a chair on the spot and brought it home thanks to the Neal's who let us borrow their Pilot for transportation.
We got home in perfect time because Deb was just arriving (she is staying with us for the weekend after a work conference in Sac.) and she was able to help Kris get the chair in the house. We wrapped up the day by eating pizza (of course) and pie and watching TV.
All in all it was my kind of perfect day.
Seriously, at youth group when we have a new kid I always introduce myself in the same way. "Hi, I'm Randi, I'm the youth pastor here." They stare at me blankly like they are trying to comprehend how somebody their age got the youth pastor gig. So then I say, "I know I look like a teenager, but I'm not." Every time the student laughs and all the kids talk about how young I look (though they make jokes about how old and out of date I am) and then they guess my age. Well that's how it used to be until I got pregnant. Apparently pregnancy makes me look older. Because two weeks ago when I did my schtick and I compared myself to a teenager the students responded with, "Um... no. You're pregnant." To which I responded by throwing my hands in the air and shouting, "Teen pregnancy, WHOOP WHOOP." To which I received horrified looks and then when I came back to reality and my words traveled from out of my mouth to my brain, I quickly dropped my arms and recanted my statement by saying, "I don't know why I just cheered for that. Not teen pregnancy. Don't get pregnant..."
Anyway, I am so far off topic now. Why was I writing this post?
Oh yeah, my birthday!
Today, I am 29 and I can't complain. I really love most of the things about my life right now. I'm not trying to brag or make everybody else hate their life... really, I promise I'm not. I just woke up this morning and thought, "I really want to write down how I am feeling on my birthday today because life is good right now." Too often I don't stop to enjoy the really good moments. Plus, you may look at my life and think it sucks... so there's always that, too. :)
So I'm going to ask myself some questions and document my answers, so next year when I am 30 I can come back and remember how great 29 was and compare.
What are you enjoying about life right now?
- My marriage- Kris and I have had or ups and downs and we are still newly married (3.5 years.) This year really felt like a year where we truly became one (that takes time for some people) and I have found such joy in being married to Kris.
- Kris (Sorry,
not sorrybut this is my life and it is a little bit sappy) I am enjoying watching him prepare to be a daddy, I love how he loves me and he is just so freakin funny...I die every day listening to his jokes. - Looking forward to the arrival of Baby Girl Shepherd!
- Looking forward to ordination (as long as I pass my last interview!)
- Looking forward to my little brother Kris' wedding to the most awesome Jessica
- Our church -I feel like there are so many exciting things happening there right now. Plus God has been putting it on my heart to really deeply pray for our church. I think God is doing a new thing and I am looking forward with anticipation to what he has for us!
- Living in Oroville - Sure this city has it's quirks and it makes me mad that there is not one place in town to buy maternity clothes (I have to drive a half hour to find a very very small selection in the next town over.), but we are so happy here. I'm enjoying it. Plus I'm about to score $20 to the new Dollar General coming to town. WHUT UP OROVILLE!
- Being pregnant, hands down. I'm at 28 weeks and I am still only able to function if I take medicine daily. I still throw up 4-5 times a week (which I recognize is better than the 4-5 times a day that was occurring) and generally have a constant stomach ache plus a myriad of other fun pregnancy symptoms. Pregnancy has been hard.
- Working with some of the teenagers in the youth group. We have a lot of teenagers that need a lot of love. Hearing their stories, doing life with them sometimes is absolutely heart breaking. I truly wish I could rewrite some of their stories. But alas, I'm not God and I'm not them. I can only do my part which is lead them to God and pray that they choose to give their lives to Him.
Randoms?
- Book: Don't have one, but I am reading a lot on the subjects of babies in the first year and women in ministry
- Movie: This year has been strange one as far as movie tastes go. I have always hated cartoons, but with kids on the horizon I have really started to evaluate our movie collection. It seems that more often than not Kris and I have been actively looking for more family friendly movies including Despicable Me, Frozen, Monster's University. As my favorite movie of this year... probably 42. I love a good sports movie!
- Favorite things to do: Crossword puzzles with Kris, read, go to coffee, walk on the dam, go to bed at 10pm
- Least favorite things to do: Pull weeds, cook
- Things I would like to do: Learn another language, pay off school debt, eat clean/healthy
I started the day by having coffee with Julianne which was fabulous and then Kris and I started the day by dropping off our car at the dealership to get a part fixed that had been recalled. After that we made a mad dash to our baby Dr. for our monthly check up. She said our baby has long legs. :) I am so hoping she takes after Kris and gets a little bit of height. We were so excited because we are at the point where we have check-ups every two weeks. This means we are super close to having our girl here with us!
After the doctor, we went to a furniture store to look for a chair for the baby room and then to Target to find some maternity clothes and then we headed over to the mall so I could get my hair done. Kris honestly was so great. He hates shopping and stuff like that, but he spent the whole day with me doing the things I like just because. I seriously love that guy.
After my hair appt. we headed to Chilis for lunch and then back to Target really quick because I hadn't had time to scope out their shoe collection...which was very disappointing. Come on Target! Next we headed to a few more furniture stores and got an idea of what we liked. Then we stopped by Marie Calendars to pick up a lemon cream cheese pie for my b-day celebration.
When we got back to Oroville, we stopped by Big Lots to compare chairs (because we had previously found one there we liked) and we fell in love. We bought a chair on the spot and brought it home thanks to the Neal's who let us borrow their Pilot for transportation.
We got home in perfect time because Deb was just arriving (she is staying with us for the weekend after a work conference in Sac.) and she was able to help Kris get the chair in the house. We wrapped up the day by eating pizza (of course) and pie and watching TV.
All in all it was my kind of perfect day.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Pregnant Hypochondriac
(Written the day I actually got to see my baby for the first time.)
I've pretty much been a hypochondriac my entire life.
Headache, probably brain cancer...or an aneurysm
Stomach ache, most definitely cancer...maybe appendicitis
Fell down and hurt my leg, let's hope this doesn't spring a blood clot
Ribs hurt, broken... also most likely punctured a lung
So when I found out I was pregnant one particular movie scene began flashing through my mind. It's from Juno. All you hypochondriacs out there know what I'm about to say. The girl had just taken a pregnancy test (it was positive) and all the way home, as she rode her bike, she kept repeating to herself, "Let it be cancer. Let it be cancer. Let it be cancer." What??? A positive pregnancy test can mean cancer and not baby? Well just sign me up for my screening right now.
So, here I was holding my pregnancy test. Thinking to myself, "This is probably a baby, but maybe I just have cancer." I know that sounds horrible, that is the way my mind works. Anyway, apparently, you have to wait to see a doctor until you are far enough long that the little gummy bear will show up on a screen. (Probably a very good thing for me.) For me that was 4.5 weeks away. And even worse, I started getting really really sick. Morning sickness? What a joke. Try all darn day sickness that requires you be by a toilet or bucket 24/7 because if you even look at food you start hurling your guts out. I promise this did not help the hypochondria.
I really started to believe I was dying. I would sit on the couch and cry, oh my poor husband. "I'm sorry hunny. My last days weren't supposed to be like this. I pictured us at the end of my life dancing and singing and making lemonade while stars fell around us from heaven. Instead, I can't move, I can't think, I can't talk and I willingly want to die. Goodbye. Let me alone to die in peace. Also, can you hand me the TV remote and bucket."
Praise God for doctors, medicine and vacation... all which happened right around the same time. I still couldn't see the doctor, but they prescribed me a wonder drug that immediately gave me relief. Then I was able to lay around for 10 days and not feel guilty about it, which did wonders for my soul.
And finally, it was time to see the doc. I know some parents who get their first ultrasound and burst into tears. Some shout for joy. Some stare in disbelief. Truthfully, my only feeling was relief. Oh dear God, thank you that this baby is real. I was terrified the doctor was going to look at me and say, "I'm sorry, there is no baby, instead we realized you are terminally ill and have only two weeks left to live. It's a good thing you came in." But no, it's real and I got a picture to prove it. Best. Day. Ever.
I've pretty much been a hypochondriac my entire life.
Headache, probably brain cancer...or an aneurysm
Stomach ache, most definitely cancer...maybe appendicitis
Fell down and hurt my leg, let's hope this doesn't spring a blood clot
Ribs hurt, broken... also most likely punctured a lung
So when I found out I was pregnant one particular movie scene began flashing through my mind. It's from Juno. All you hypochondriacs out there know what I'm about to say. The girl had just taken a pregnancy test (it was positive) and all the way home, as she rode her bike, she kept repeating to herself, "Let it be cancer. Let it be cancer. Let it be cancer." What??? A positive pregnancy test can mean cancer and not baby? Well just sign me up for my screening right now.
So, here I was holding my pregnancy test. Thinking to myself, "This is probably a baby, but maybe I just have cancer." I know that sounds horrible, that is the way my mind works. Anyway, apparently, you have to wait to see a doctor until you are far enough long that the little gummy bear will show up on a screen. (Probably a very good thing for me.) For me that was 4.5 weeks away. And even worse, I started getting really really sick. Morning sickness? What a joke. Try all darn day sickness that requires you be by a toilet or bucket 24/7 because if you even look at food you start hurling your guts out. I promise this did not help the hypochondria.
I really started to believe I was dying. I would sit on the couch and cry, oh my poor husband. "I'm sorry hunny. My last days weren't supposed to be like this. I pictured us at the end of my life dancing and singing and making lemonade while stars fell around us from heaven. Instead, I can't move, I can't think, I can't talk and I willingly want to die. Goodbye. Let me alone to die in peace. Also, can you hand me the TV remote and bucket."
Praise God for doctors, medicine and vacation... all which happened right around the same time. I still couldn't see the doctor, but they prescribed me a wonder drug that immediately gave me relief. Then I was able to lay around for 10 days and not feel guilty about it, which did wonders for my soul.
And finally, it was time to see the doc. I know some parents who get their first ultrasound and burst into tears. Some shout for joy. Some stare in disbelief. Truthfully, my only feeling was relief. Oh dear God, thank you that this baby is real. I was terrified the doctor was going to look at me and say, "I'm sorry, there is no baby, instead we realized you are terminally ill and have only two weeks left to live. It's a good thing you came in." But no, it's real and I got a picture to prove it. Best. Day. Ever.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Then September Flew By
One minute I was returning home from Thailand and the next it is October. There is is a lot that went on in September and a lot I had to be grateful for.
I picked up a second job! Some people have been confused by this so let me explain a little bit. Technically, I work part-time at the church. There are a lot of weeks when it is a full time job, but I am officially only part-time. I got a call from some friends who explained to me that their mom was looking to hire somebody at her shop for only a couple afternoons a week. It seemed like a great fit because she needed somebody who didn't need a lot of work and it allowed for me to do something like I felt like God has been calling me to do - which is get out in my community more. So, on some afternoons, you can find me downtown here.
Let me just do a little promo, there is a fabulous sale going on right now through the 12th- 20% off of everything store wide. Boom. You are welcome.
Then, Kris and I celebrated three years of marriage!
Okay, so I just have to talk about this for a minute. I threw this picture up on Facebook because we take a picture every year on our anniversary. (A family friend made us this really cool scrapbook for our wedding that has a space for an anniversary picture every year for 25 years.) This picture got over 100 likes. That blew me away. It was strange and cool to see that over 100 people care about us in some way. I told Kris, I don't even know if I could name 100 people off the top of my head. So thank you, dear friends, for liking my picture. It really blessed me.
Three years. Wow. What a ride. What a journey. What an adventure. What a... I'll stop. I didn't do an anniversary post, but I will say this. Dearest Kris, you are truly the love of my life and I will admire you and honor you until the day I die. And then maybe I'll come back and haunt you every now and then.
We celebrated by taking off to Sacramento for the night.
We stayed in an awesome hotel with what Kris referred to as "character." There are two types of character people in this world. People who say character and mean dumpy and people who say character and mean absolutely charming. Thank goodness Kris falls into the second category and booked us a rockin hotel with character and charm. We fondued at the Melting Pot and watched cable TV. It is really the little things in life. And no, we don't have cable at home. We probably never will again and our children will hate us.
After Sacramento we came home, you know, to go to church and then headed out for Lake Tahoe. Every year, in September, we head to Lake Tahoe for a Pastor/Spouse retreat with all the other pastors in our conference. It was a fabulous time and I truly had so much fun getting to talk with and hang out with all the other pastors and spouses. There is a kindred spirit among us and it is such a blessing to get to serve alongside of these people. Plus, we got to go on a boat ride. Wooo!
Lastly, I am sure many of you are wondering how our dear cats are. Let me just tell you, they are doing fine. No? You didn't really care? Oh. I just wanted to show off another picture of them. :D
I hope you all are having an awesome week! I'll leave you with this funny FB post my friend sent me after Marriage Monday. It made me lol.
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I picked up a second job! Some people have been confused by this so let me explain a little bit. Technically, I work part-time at the church. There are a lot of weeks when it is a full time job, but I am officially only part-time. I got a call from some friends who explained to me that their mom was looking to hire somebody at her shop for only a couple afternoons a week. It seemed like a great fit because she needed somebody who didn't need a lot of work and it allowed for me to do something like I felt like God has been calling me to do - which is get out in my community more. So, on some afternoons, you can find me downtown here.
Then, Kris and I celebrated three years of marriage!
Okay, so I just have to talk about this for a minute. I threw this picture up on Facebook because we take a picture every year on our anniversary. (A family friend made us this really cool scrapbook for our wedding that has a space for an anniversary picture every year for 25 years.) This picture got over 100 likes. That blew me away. It was strange and cool to see that over 100 people care about us in some way. I told Kris, I don't even know if I could name 100 people off the top of my head. So thank you, dear friends, for liking my picture. It really blessed me.
Three years. Wow. What a ride. What a journey. What an adventure. What a... I'll stop. I didn't do an anniversary post, but I will say this. Dearest Kris, you are truly the love of my life and I will admire you and honor you until the day I die. And then maybe I'll come back and haunt you every now and then.
We celebrated by taking off to Sacramento for the night.
We stayed in an awesome hotel with what Kris referred to as "character." There are two types of character people in this world. People who say character and mean dumpy and people who say character and mean absolutely charming. Thank goodness Kris falls into the second category and booked us a rockin hotel with character and charm. We fondued at the Melting Pot and watched cable TV. It is really the little things in life. And no, we don't have cable at home. We probably never will again and our children will hate us.
After Sacramento we came home, you know, to go to church and then headed out for Lake Tahoe. Every year, in September, we head to Lake Tahoe for a Pastor/Spouse retreat with all the other pastors in our conference. It was a fabulous time and I truly had so much fun getting to talk with and hang out with all the other pastors and spouses. There is a kindred spirit among us and it is such a blessing to get to serve alongside of these people. Plus, we got to go on a boat ride. Wooo!
Lastly, I am sure many of you are wondering how our dear cats are. Let me just tell you, they are doing fine. No? You didn't really care? Oh. I just wanted to show off another picture of them. :D
I hope you all are having an awesome week! I'll leave you with this funny FB post my friend sent me after Marriage Monday. It made me lol.
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Monday, September 30, 2013
Marriage Monday: Your Spouse Does Not Complete You
How many of us while we were single really worked to improve ourselves? We lost weight, we took a class we always wanted to take, we traveled, we went out with our friends, we read a new book, etc. etc. You? Me?
I feel like there is this idea that when we are single we need to work on ourselves to become the type of person somebody else would want/deserve to marry. And I agree with that. However, it seems that there is this magical thing that happens to couples after the wedding ceremony and it is what I call "false completion." We feel like our journey and wait is finally over and now that we have found "the one" we are wholly and totally complete. I mean how many cards do we see during Valentine's Day that say, "You complete me!" This notion really irritates me for two reasons: 1. It makes it seem like single people are not complete. They can be. 2. Completion does not lie (ever) in the hands of somebody else. Completion can only come from God alone.
Going to just about every Sunday morning service, Wednesday night service, Sunday school, youth group, small group, Christian camp, mission trip under the sun growing up I constantly heard this saying, "There is a God shaped hole in everybody's heart. It is a hole that only God can fill." As cliche as it sounds, I totally agree. As humans we are constantly longing for that something to satisfy us. We judge the people who fill that hole with drugs, sex, alcohol. We tolerate the people who fill that hole with food, inappropriate relationships, sarcasm, anger. Yet, one of the number one ways people try to fill that hole is with their spouse/significant other and it goes completely ignored. In fact, our culture celebrates it.
The problem with this is that (throw back to Christian camp here!) nothing satisfies that deep longing for completion except for the one thing that can make us complete: God. Spouses disappoint, spouses wrong each other, spouses can be forgetful, unforgiving, rude, unkind, inconsiderate, etc. I'm not condoning these actions, but when we enter into marriage or live with the idea in marriage that it is our spouse that makes us complete we have false completion. We become angry when this human that we live with doesn't live up to our expectations. We forget that the human we live with is on a path towards completion as well. Nothing that is incomplete can be a completion for somebody else. That is false.
We cannot complete somebody else and they cannot complete us.
So this marriage Monday, I challenge you not to focus on another person, but to focus on God. Don't assume or act like your journey is over now that you are married. You are not complete and neither is your spouse. Instead, focus on God this week. Look to Him to complete you. Look to Him to fill the needs, desires, pain, struggle you are facing this week. Enjoy your spouse as somebody who is doing life with you and alongside of you. See them in a new light this week and don't put on them the responsibility of making you complete.
Good luck! I'll be praying for you this week and I'll be working right along side you!
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